| creepy... |
[
June 26th, 2006 ï 10:19am
] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 sick |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Korn: Coming Undone |
] |
My house has two PC's... one in my room and one in the kitchen. This morning, I was in the kitchen and I noticed that Outlook had been trying to send an email since yesterday, while I was at the movies with Joe. I clicked it and there was a picture attached. It was a picture of me from my stock photo account. One of the more explicit pictures.. no nudity or anything, but it was kinda raunchy. In the Send To box was the email address of one of our old family friends who'd been visiting last weekend. He's my dad's age... I've known him for like 11 years...
I didnt even know his email address and he wasnt in my address book on Outlook so I know that I didnt accidently try to send it to him. And, I wasnt even home when the email had been made... so I know he must have been snooping around and tried to send it to himself. The only reason it didn't send was because the outgoing server has been down for three days...
Is that freaky or what? I don't know what to think of it.
Anyway, on Saturday I finally drove all the way to Vista to visit my boyfriend since his car was in the shop this weekend. He usually comes up here to get me then drives all the way back down to Vista to hang out at his place then drives all the way back up to Santa Ana to take me home, then he usually spends the night in Mission Viejo with his friends, and goes home the next morning.
I usually try to avoid the highway on account of I'm such a damned wimp... actually I just really dislike getting lost and I do that a lot. I've got absolutely no sense of direction, but I really wanted to see him last weekend since next weekend I wont be able to... I'm going to a wedding with my parents. So I made the drive. I figured I had to do it sooner or later, I just wanted it to be later rather than sooner. Oh well, I'm glad I finally did it... It probably doesnt seem like a big deal to a lot of you, but I hatteee driving.
We went to Chilli's and then back to his house for some fun and lots of cuddling. Then, around 9:00 we went back down to Mission Viejo for poker night at Tony's. I only stayed for a few hands before I had to go home. My parents were in Big Bear for the weekend but my mom said she was going to call and make sure I was home because she's such a bitch she wont let me stay over anyones place ever.
In fact she almost made me goto Big Bear with her just because Nina was going and she didn't want Nina to be lonely. I told her she couldnt just make plans for me without letting me know or asking if I already had plans to begin with. I'm not just going to ditch my boyfriend for someone who seemed to have ditched me at her place like 10 times in Boston. My family would come up to visit a lot and she'd already have plans at someone elses place for sleepovers and whatnot. Anyway, my mom and I got into a huge argument about it and she called me inconsiderate or whatever. Maybe telling me a few days in advanced instead of the night before would have been more considerate, don't you think? If I had known, I wouldve set something up, but I already made plans. It's not like I didn't want to see Nina, but I also dislike being pushed around like that. I'm not a child, and I'm not going somewhere just because my parents told someone else I'd be there.
I came home around midnight and checked the caller-ID and my mom never even called the house. I tried to call my dad but he didnt pick up the phone, so in the end I just got really pissed off because I couldve spent the night with Joe and my parents wouldnt have even known.
I woke up the next morning really sick. I was just as sick last weekend too, which is really weird. I had a high fever and I got the chills. My whole body ached, and especially my head. But I'd told Joe I'd pick him up from Tony's so we could go watch Click. After the movie, I felt really really really sick and dizzy and I knew I couldn't drive home by myself so I ended causing a huge inconvenience for Ryan, his sister. Joe had to drive me home, which he didn't mind but that meant that Ryan had to drive even further to go pick him up. And his mom called while we were going back to Santa Ana and bitched at him about it. And he was really irritated for the rest of the drive.
I spent the rest of the entire day in bed, sleeping it off and I felt much better by around 9:00 PM.
|
| Where the hell did my site go? |
[
June 17th, 2006 ï 8:56am
] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 cheerful |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Christina Aguilera - Ain't No Other Man |
] |
Well, I should have known that Henry was gonna bail on me again, because it's been a month and my site, sweet-vertigo.org is nowhere to be found. For those of you who don't know; Henry is my host. He also bailed on me a few months ago when we partnered up for a job where he was supposed to do all the backend coding, and left me high and dry. My client was pissed, and I got so much shit for it. I haven't seen or heard from Henry since. I should have moved my site to my own reseller the minute that happened, but I was stupid. And now I'm afraid all my layouts and artwork are just lost, and that scares the hell out of me. Those were like my best layouts ever, and I'll never be able to reproduce those again, until I get my laptop fixed... I think some of the psd's are saved on there.
My mom is so crazy. She called me at goddamned 10:00 PM and screamed at me to come home. As if I never stay out that late. She's so bipolar...
Yesterday, I went to piano and then Joe picked me up and we just went back to his place and chilled, and then we watched FF Advent Children on dvd together before he took me home. Not a very eventful day, but I have a good time just being with him.
Anyway, today is my boyfriend's sister's graduation, and he's probably at the ceremony right now, but he's picking me up later for the party.
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| Family & Business Don't Seem To Mix |
[
June 6th, 2006 ï 1:08am
] |
| [ |
mood |
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 stressed |
] |
Well, I just got through ranting to Joe about this, but he didn't really have any advice for me. My brother has enlisted me to create the website for a software program he and his partners created and are trying to market. This probably doesn't seem like a big deal to the lot of you, but I've just learned that it's hard to deal with business with a family member.
It's very strange to go from 20 years of having to do whatever my older brother says, to then putting on my game face and being a hardass about business terms with him. I can't negotiate terms with him as I would with any regular client, because there are certain pressures I'm feeling:
- The pressure to do this for him, because as his sister I would do anything for him.
- The pressure to do this for him, because I want to help his success.
- The pressure to do him proud.
- The pressure to set an example of the independent business person I've become, and to rid all doubt he's had over the years about my capabilities.
He just woke me up at midnight to tell me that his partners picked out a template for me to use. I had to tell him that I refuse to work with any premade templates, because as an artist/designer I only work with designs that have been 100% made by me. So I told him I'd make him something similar, that looks even better, and he said his partners want to see something by tomorrow afternoon. I was like "Uh, I don't usually get woken up at 12 AM to do an entire project and have results expected within less than 24 hours."
|
| Lovely Weekend |
[
May 28th, 2006 ï 10:25pm
] |
| [ |
mood |
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 in love |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Nelly Furtado - Promiscuous Girl |
] |
Well I spent Friday and Saturday with Joe (had a little sleep over) and we watched Xmen 3 Friday night, then went home and had a lot of sex. Then we went to bed, woke up and had morning wake-up sex. Then we went to the Padres Vs Cardinals game... had a good time even though the Padres lost. I bought a $65 dollar pink/gray Padres hoodie because it was fucking freezing... well it was really windy up there.
Came home, had some more sex, then headed to Tony's to watch his wife Nichol on "The Last Bride Standing," on E! She was most definitely the prettiest contestant there, and the strongest too. I didn't know that they were doing back-stories on each of the contestants in the beginning of the show, so it was a pleasant surprise when they showed the kids, Trevor and Dominic, being all baby-cute. Nichol's such a great mom to those two.
This morning, I woke up with a bunch of paint chips in my face, because my mom wanted to paint the house afterall, so she was waiting for me to wake up before she picked out the colors - me being the artist and all, she wanted an expert's opinion. But that got interrupted when my dad cut his hand on an electric saw, and I had to rush him to the clinic to get stitched up. So nasty. He's doing fine now though - only four stitches, and he deals with pain very well. What a trooper.
|
| Finals Week |
[
May 21st, 2006 ï 6:07pm
] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
chipper |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Gnarls Barkley - Crazy |
] |
I have finals next week... so stressfull. Ah, well at least the semester is almost over.
I'm going to Boston for two/three weeks at the end of July, through most of August. I'm gonna miss Joe so much, but I'm gonna have fun too. I can't wait to see everyone.
Yesterday, Joe and I went to eat at the Spectrum, but the Crepe place was out of business! We were so disappointed. I found a few creperies around the OC area that we'll probably check out sooner or later. We love crepes.
Afterwards, we went to his friend, Tony's house and hung out at their barbeque. Tony has two kids, and his brother has another one, so there were three toddlers, all of them boys, just running around all day and causing chaos. They were so cute. They took a liking to me, which Joe thought was odd because it usually takes a while for them to warm up to new people. I guess I'm just good like that.
Next weekend, I'm staying over at Joe's place. We're gonna watch X3 on friday, then on satuday night, we're going to Tony's again because his wife was on a reality show which premiers that night. I think it's called the Last Bride Standing. I'm not sure. It's going to be on E!
|
| Moving |
[
April 28th, 2006 ï 10:35pm
] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
infatuated |
] |
Well, my family is moving into a bigger house. I wish this actually said "Well, I'm moving out of my parents' house," but I guess it'll be another year or so before I can even think about doing that. I am so sick of living here, it's not even funny.
Hung out with Joe today, since I'm gonna be busy with the move this weekend. We went to the Spectrum, and had some pizza and shared a crepe. Ah, yes... I introduced Joe to the magnificent world of french crepes. It's quite possibly the only desert he's ever liked; making it his favorite, and making the French superior to all, once again. Seriously though, they are so good - especially when they're made with fresh fruit in them. We had fresh strawberries and bananas with nutella, icecream, and whipped cream. Delicious!
Then we did some shopping - or rather, I did. He hates shopping, but I was quick and he likes having me on his arm anyway. Makes him feel manly, and pimpish because he's got a hot girlfriend like me. Hahahaha. I'm not kidding either, he even said that he likes to show me off.
My boyfriend has rather good taste, because I wanted to buy a dress today so I picked out a few, and the only one I looked good in was the one that he picked out for me. I love it! I also bought a pair of denim short-shorts. Next weekend, we're going costume shopping. I'll let you figure out what we need a costume for, but I will tell you that we're definitely looking for something like a french maid costume or a cheerleader's uniform. Heheh.
Then we went to the Apple store, and played with the mini recording studio thing keybord stuff thing. I don't know what to call it. But there was a keyboard with all sorts of features on the computer, and we played with the different percussion kits. It was so fun! We jammed on one keyboard, just dropping random beats. People were impressed with the level of collaboration between the two of us. That eventually got old though, so we blew that stand after an awesome performance of the Pink Panther theme by Your's Truly.
After that, we went back to the car and drove around until we found a nice private parking lot to be alone in - spent an hour there, then he drove me home. Saying goodbye to him is always so hard, because I never wanna leave his side. We spend like half an hour eating each other's faces before we finally part ways, rofl.
Anyway, enough about Joel - My brother found out that his unborn child is going to be a baby boy! I sooo wanted it to be a little girl, but oh well. He's gonna name him "Max" of all names. I think it's actually going to be short for "Maximillion" though. That kid is gonna have some trouble when he starts going to school; I promise you. With a name like "Maximillion?" C'mon. My brother justifies this by saying that he's gonna know karate, so he'll be fine when it comes to bullies. Whatever, Khoi.
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| Saturdays are great |
[
April 17th, 2006 ï 11:46am
] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 anxious |
] |
Well, I'm just updating. It seems like all I talk about is my boyfriend, but whatever.
I cost him $1400 in phone bills for the last two months. I feel horrible. And no, this isnt the same bill I talked about in my last entry. I just took on two jobs, one will be around $700 and the next is around $200. Im gonna give him some of it to help him with the bill.
He's so stressed out about it now, and it makes me scared because our relationship was really tense when he was stressed out last month, and I don't want this to be the reason why we break up. Because, when he's this stressed out, he's really moody and we get into a lot of arguments. And I dont want to go back to that again. So that's why I feel like I have to help him with this bill, because I don't want him to stress out, and I dont want this to be bad for our relationship.
Not only that, but I feel like I haven't been good for him. I know I've been good to him, but I don't think I've been good for him. Ever since we've met he's been in huge financial trouble. His car broke down the second day we hung out because he didnt put oil in the car because I got out of class early and he didnt want to keep me waiting. Then this bill shows up because I'm constantly on the phone with him. I'm not saying that I'm to blame for all this, because it's still his responsibility and his decisions that he has to make, but I'm the factor in all of it. I don't want him to look back on our relationship after we've broken up and think that I was just someone he wasted all his money and time on. I've confronted him about it, and he said not to worry about it, and that he's glad that I even care this much. And he assured me that I've been such a positive role in his life... He made me feel a lot better about the situation, but I'm still pretty worried.
He found out about the bill on Friday, then we hung out on Saturday, and I talked to him about all this that night on the phone after I got home.
Saturday was a great day, overall. I treated him to Chili's and then we went back to his place and just hung out, watched a dvd, and cuddled. It was really nice. I wished I didnt have to leave, because it was so comfy laying on his bed with him.
|
| just updating |
[
April 13th, 2006 ï 10:00pm
] |
| [ |
mood |
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 happy |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Christina Mlian: Say I |
] |
Well, I changed the header image to a picture of me, as you can see. I'll probably change the background as well sooner or later.
I'm still unbelievably broke, but that should change if I get to do this one website job. It should be pretty simple, and I obviously need the money, so I took it, but other than that I've sort of been on a hiatus from designing anything.
I miss my boyfriend greatly. I saw him last weekend, and he said he was going to see me tomorrow as well as Saturday, but now he says he can't see me tomorrow, and I'm wicked bummed out. I'm sort of whiney like that. It's just that I only really ever see him like once a week and I'm sick of the routine and monotony of it all.
I love him though; there's no denying that. I just don't know if he feels the same about me. I guess time will tell. But other than missing him, I am pretty happy lately. We've been getting along better now that he isn't so stressed out and grumpy, and things have been rather nice.
Although, his cell phone bill last month was monstrous. I feel so bad because I'm always on the phone with him before 7:00 PM even though he warns me, lol. I've been trying to be good though, ever since he told me how much his phone bill was last month.
|
| i'm so broke |
[
April 3rd, 2006 ï 3:07pm
] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 aggravated |
] |
Okay... I need cash. I don't even have enough money to go and get some lunch right now. I'm starving. I think I'm going to drive to my aunts house and see if she has anything to eat over there but I'm not sure if anyone's home.
Anyway, you guys could definitely help me out if there is anyone you know that needs website hosting. Click here for Hosting Plans and Priced.
Also, you should all check out the CliqueMB Shop and buy some t-shirts, mugs, buttons, and other stuff. I'm also an Mark/Avon representative, and I sell makeup from meetmark.com so browse around, and see if you like anything from there.
If you want to buy something from Mark, then DONT BUY IT FROM THE WEBSITE. Send me an email at nocturnea@gmail.com and list the product information, quantities, and etc. When I've processed your request, I'll let you know what the cost is going to be (plus shipping) and you can paypal the money to 2nekked@cliquemb.com. If you don't have paypal, you can also pay me via credit card. Just ask me.
I just hope my last client can hurry up and pay me... she's late.
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| Complicated |
[
March 30th, 2006 ï 10:41pm
] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 contemplative |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Pussycat Dolls: Buttons |
] |
Well, I've become more and more aware of just how complicated my relationship with Joel is... or will become.
Basically, I know that at some point he's going to have to let me go. I'm too young for him. He's going to be at that age where he'll have to start thinking about a wife and kids, and all that... very soon. I mean, hell - all his friends have kids already. And I'm not ready for that. He wouldn't want that with me. I'm nineteen. I'm just trying to finish school.
But I'm not going to bring it up. There's no use in speeding up the decision for him to move on from me. I'm just going to be thankful for the time I get with him. You know - just accept things for what they are and what they arent... what they can't be, and be happy with what I have, when I have it, and who I have it with.
Today was a good day for both of us. Well, actually, I didn't get any sleep whatsoever... I got caught thinking about a lot of things all night, and playing Scrabble with Joemar while confiding in him on the phone at the same time... and I couldnt fall asleep until 6:30. So at around 5:30, I called Joel to wake his ass up since he'd been having trouble waking up in time to goto work. It was a nice way to start things out. And it put me at ease, just hearing his voice for a little bit, because we'd been arguing and I didn't know how things were going to be between us. Well, he told me to try to get some sleep because he didn't want me to get sicker, and then I finally did. (But I feel bad now, because I told Joemar I'd wake him up at 7:00 - Uh, I know too many people named "Joe" - I wasn't awake. I should start charging people for these wake-up calls though.)
Anyways, back to Joel.
He said something today, sort of out of the blue, that made feel a lot better about things though. He told me that I'm the best thing he's had going for him in years. I feel the same way.
And then I called him again on his lunch break and things seem to be looking up for him in life. He's got this great idea... and he's finally came to a sort of conclusion to what he wants to do in life. And I'm happy for him. He hasn't been this at ease about life since I've known him. It's always been "What am I going to do with my life? I don't have a real job. My music isn't getting me anywhere - should I give up?" And now he's found something he can work towards and use his music for. I'm really happy for him.
Our problems have rooted from the fact that he's been in such a pissy mood about the shithole he felt like he couldnt dig himself out of. And he took a lot of that anger out on me at times. (Which he apologized to me for today, randomly.) So I hope that this means that things can stop being so tense between us.
And maybe now, I can just stop thinking about the future and be happy with what we have together in the present.
|
| More Arguing |
[
March 28th, 2006 ï 11:23pm
] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 sad |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Amerie |
] |
Well.. I just got off the phone with my boyfriend. We had another argument. I sort of blew some things out of proportion. I was talking about how I'm going to have to cut off some clientele because I just don't have time for it. I have to focus on school right now, and work is too distracting - having to be constantly aware of deadlines, of things I know I'm procrastinating on... it's just pressure that I don't need. Well he starts lecturing me about how I can't afford to let these things go, and if I have a talent like this, then I should use it to my advantage, because blah blah blah blah blah, and I just got pissed off. I never said I was going to stop completely, I'm just saying that I'm a full time student that needs to focus on her studies. And frankly, I'm sick of being expected to do all this shit. Goddamn it, I'm 19 years old. Let me be 19. Let me just be a student.
And I'm sick of hearing shit that I already know. When people lecture me, I just feel like they're stating the obvious, and they think I'm too stupid to know it. And maybe they don't mean it like that, but that's how I take it. And I told him I don't like it when he lectures me because I feel like it's just another lecture coming from my dad or my brother. And he is not either of those people. He's my boyfriend; my lover, and I need for him to be just that. It's not like I'm not already constantly aware of the age difference between he and I, and it's like.. he's old enough to where he can start sentences saying "When I was your age..." and it pisses me off that he's already experienced the things I'm going through and I don't want a fucking play by play of how my life is going to be. I just want to live it.
And he goes on and says "Well maybe you shouldn't be dating a 27 year old." and I felt like he was trying to tell me he wanted to end things. But he didn't have the balls to actually say it. I don't know where things go from here - we've just become more and more aware of the cons of our gap in age, and it's just... taxing.
We made up... he apologized for making me feel like he was belittling me, and I apologized for blowing things out of proportions. And he says he understands that... hell, I'm a college student, and I'm stressed out, and it's just natural. And we had some laughs about some random shit. And then he went to bed.
Yeah, things may seem like they're alright, but it's all pretending. He said something that really drew the line in our relationship. It's not just something you ignore, or just pretend wasn't said. I feel like maybe this is as far as we can go.
I really hope we're both wrong... that we exceed our own expectations of what this relationship could possibly grow into. Because I don't want to let go of him.
|
| This class is so boring. |
[
March 25th, 2006 ï 12:01pm
] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 excited |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Mariah Carey |
] |
Well, I was an hour late for 3D Animation today. Yes, I have a six hour class on Saturdays, and it sucks. (Most of it is lab time though, so I can leave early.) Why was I late? I was having a bad hair day. I still am. I just couldn't get it to stay the way I wanted, and I wouldn't leave the house till I tamed it. It still looks like shit.
I couldnt find white thigh highs this morning, but get this. I got white knee highs, and I'm so short that they actually fit as thigh highs for me. Isn't that bizarre? Haha.
It probably sounds like all my boyfriend and I do is have tons of sex. I like to think of it as the both of us exploring our sexuality. I mean, for some reason before I met him I always ended up with virgins. Seriously! So now that I have someone more experienced, and as sexually curious as I am, we're both just having a lot of fun. We've tried a lot of things so far, haha. Today is "school girl" day. Next time we're doing the "french maid" theme. ROFL.
But don't get me wrong. We don't just have sex all day. We really like each other... I mean, at least I do. There's so much we have in common but there's also a lot of differences, and everything fits so well. It's all dynamic. We're both total cynics, share the same sense of humor; both dorks. He can keep up with me intellectually (well it helps that he's so much older than I am). My previous boyfriends... well they weren't dumb, but they definitely could never actually have an intellegent conversation with me. None of that interested any of them, but I feel like I can talk to Joel about anything. Eventually, when we've both had enough fun, we'll slow down on all the sex... after we've tried out everything we could possibly think of, lol... and we'll still have as much fun, because we enjoy each other's company.
So, do I love my boyfriend? Maybe... I think I might. But I would never say it unless he said it first. There is, for me, always that little doubt in my head that reminds me of the huge age gap between the two of us. We both had a long talk about our qualms about the age difference, and also what we think are actual pro's to it. It's all natural though... I mean anyone in this kind of relationship would have the same doubts and fears that we both do. There's nothing abnormal about it.
But, again, unless he told me he loved me first, I would never admit it to him. I gotta know that he wants to make that type of commitment, before I throw either of us in an awkward position. I think he already knows how I feel about him, it's just really a matter of him letting me know that it's mutual.
|
| i'm finally here. |
[
March 23rd, 2006 ï 12:50am
] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 infatuated |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
eryka badu and jill scott |
] |
Well, I decided to extend cliquemb to livejournal, so I finally got an account. I’m still getting used to customizing livejournal pages, but I think I’m doing pretty well. By the way, this layout is available for download at cliquemb.com.
We’re currently looking for livejournal moderators too – people who have a lot of experience with livejournal, who can help submit tutorials and templates, and promote the forum to livejournal members. So, please comment if you’re interested!
cliquemb cliquemb cliquemb cliquemb!!!
Anyway, on a more personal note (and I'm thinking about posting my personal/raunchy blogs here rather than my real site, since a lot of my clients goto my site and it's kind of unprofessional for them to be reading about my home life. Not to mention my sex life, right? Haha.) - Anyway, like I was saying... on a more personal note, I miss my boyfriend. First I didn't see him for like nearly a month, but when I finally did last weekend, I spent the night at his place and we had... way too much sex. Way too much. I didn't think that was possible, because between the two of us, there is a lot of horniness, but I was SO tired by Sunday.
I'm seeing him this weekend, but unfortunately Aunt Flo is in town, and I don't know whether or not she's still gonna be here by the time I get to see him again. But we're planning on having me dress up in a little catholic school girl's outfit, complete with white thigh highs and pig-tails (as if I didn't already look young enough) and he's going to "teach me a lesson" hahaha. Too much information? Sorry.
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